A butterfly has to be poisoned out of its chrysalis to become its beautiful self.
Poisoned at its own hand. That’s how hard the butterfly needed to be self-coaxed to change.
My observation of broad society is that very few people are adequately prepared for the journey of life, and many flounder for their entire lives, suffering because they lack the necessary skills to live a fulfilling life. Or even a decently good life.
Think about marriage. It’s a highly complex ecosystem that requires deep personal capabilities from both parties to achieve a successful outcome. Was I equipped to be married? Not a chance. Not even close, considering what I now know about the institution’s complexity. And that’s before we even get to the complexities of how two people merge into one entity and all the profound challenges that come with that.
Of course, we hope that those who work on their marriage will reap the benefits. And it invariably does. The great marriages of the world are either ordained with some kind of fortune chemistry that sustains itself regardless of the challenges that come its way, or they work because the couple puts in the hard work to understand themselves, each other, and their combined dynamic.
The former are far fewer in number, which means that billions of people suffer in marriage. That’s not something I take any joy in writing, but I do believe it to be true. I don’t see, certainly in my community, many marriages that are vital and joyful. Some are content, but many are lifeless, dull, or rigid.
However, the truth is that the skills necessary for a good marriage are all available, understood, and well-documented. Access to these learnings is not the problem. The problem is that, for some reason, there is a significant hurdle to overcome to make a change.
To transform.
Resistance to transformation is interesting to me due to its prevalence. Many business leaders I work with and observe have significantly fewer skills than are required for them to succeed. I suspect that they are aware of this, but choose to persist with their limited skill set.
It confounds me as to why, and I’m not sure that I have a good answer. However, if pressed, I would attribute it to fear.
- Fear of the hard work required to transform
- Fear of their true potential (strange, I know, but this is a real thing)
- Fear of change and what they’ll need to let go of
The willing transformers do exist, however, and I’ve wondered what chromosome they have that the non-transformers don’t?
Not surprisingly, the precondition for their growth is the opposite of fear: Safety.
The business leaders I’ve worked with who have truly shifted themselves have a sense of certainty about themselves. Not bravado – quite the opposite. More of a calm, grounded, sensible, well-informed demeanour. Where this comes from, I don’t know, but I guess that it reaches back to childhood and how their parents instilled in them a sense of ‘enoughness’.
So that’s my hypothesis: that the leaders with the greatest self-worth are the leaders who transform and reach transcendent levels of leadership.
It’s such a bummer to lock ourselves into a sub-optimal situation, and it’s such a joy to grow and evolve.
This essay encourages you to resist the temptation to stay in place and instead to push through your boundaries to unearth your transcendent self. Imagine the joy that awaits this.